Mogana – epitome of strength

CW/TW: reference to domestic abuse.

My name is Arfa Sarfaraz Khan and I work occasionally work with QVWC. I’m a  former journalist from Pakistan now living in Trafalgar in Victoria’s Gippsland region. I am passionate about women and social issues and I want  to share stories to  create awareness, consciousness and cognisance to support women who deal with life-issues with valour and bravery.

I met Mogana at Casey North Information and Support Service (Narre Warren) and we began speaking about ways to bring attention to family violence. Mogana came to Australia from Malaysia in 2019 and she courageously shared her story with me in order to provide encouragement to readers:  "life never ends,  it goes on so make the best of it”.

Mogana  is a 37-year-old mother of three. Her life has been full of obstacles and hardships, but she is eager to make a positive difference in her life. She is the personification of courage and endurance. She is a victim of family violence She is sharing her true-life experience to encourage people to be optimistic in the face of adversity.

Arfa Sarfaraz: What story would you like to share?

Mogana: My life has never been generous to me. I come from a family of seven siblings (five sisters and two brothers).

I never had a normal life. When I was young, my father abused me, so I left my home and went to stay with my aunt. My mother left my dad and re-married. I moved with my mother and stepdad. My stepdad once said to me, "Why don't we both make out?" I replied, "How could you think like that, you're my stepdad. “I told my mother she always made wrong decisions about men and, once again, I walked out of the house and went back to live with my aunt. I did not want to be a burden on my aunt, so I started picking up some jobs.

I found my then husband and believed that he would take care of me and make me happy, but my happiness and excitement was short lived. I had an abusive relationship. He would hit me, call me names. He would say to me you are a prostitute. He was a womaniser and an alcoholic. He would not miss an opportunity to hurt me physically and emotionally.

I was staying with him with the hope that he might change. I was separated and asked for divorce from him but every time he would say ‘I will change and be a better person.’ I gave him another chance for my children. I have three children with him, two girls and a boy. He would fix himself for a brief period and would revert to his ill habits.

I was furious with him one day and told him, "You don't want to adjust or accept responsibility. I will look after myself and my children; I want to be free of you and have my own life, which you and the rest of the world can witness "and walked away.

After few days, I went to see my children after work at night after feeding my children and saying them good night, he asked me to stay overnight as it was getting very late. I was looking in the mirror and fixing my hair and went to sleep. He entered the room after I had fallen asleep and threw boiling hot oil on my face, saying, "No one will see you now."

I was hospitalised for ten months. I sustained the pain; I went through multiple surgeries. Doctors grafted my face and fixed as much as they could. I endured the pain, but I thanked my then-husband, saying, "You didn't want anyone to see me, but thank you, everybody will see me now.” now everyone will see me."

My aunt was my big support. Outside my family, there were other people who helped me and my children in these  difficult times.

I wanted to take my children out as soon as I felt better. I was cracked and shattered. I was hoping for tranquilly. I desperately had to flee. I had some money set aside. I travelled to temples in other countries to pray and find harmony and tranquilly. I travelled to Singapore in search of stability, but I could not find it. For myself and my children, I desired a better life. Someone suggested that if I moved to Australia, I could get a job and start a better life.

I am trying to make ends meet, but I am determined to make a positive difference in my life. My children are a valuable blessing to me. I want to set a positive example for my children by inspiring them to trust in me. I can fulfil my objectives and desires if I keep determined and positive.

Arfa Sarfaraz: What are your plans for future?

Mogana: Take each day as it comes. I cannot afford to provide luxuries for my children, but I will try to provide a life in which they can learn the virtues of becoming respectful human beings. My body is 70 percent burned, so I cannot do strenuous tasks. I am an excellent baker and chef. I have been baking and cooking. I am trying to develop my skills to set up a catering business. I am  waiting for better chances to come knocking.

Arfa Sarfaraz: Do you have some confidantes and friends?

Mogana: There are good people in the world, and they have helped me in many ways to cope with my trauma, but I do not have friends because I feel  "everyone wants to know about my life, girls would like to know about my past, and boys still want to take advantage of me, but I guess I am my own friend."

People are aware of my condition and health conditions, but I believe that I am being "used" and that I am being underpaid. Often, I get the feeling that if I keep thinking, I will get sick. My children are in school and have a lot of requests and wishes. When I am unable to help them, it becomes so overwhelming that I cry alone and wish for better days.

Arfa Sarfaraz: How do you do to stay motivated?

Mogana: My childhood had been tumultuous and tortuous. I will not say it is easy; it is extremely difficult to keep myself motivated, but I do my best to stay resilient and optimistic.

There are days when I feel total crap, lost, disoriented and hopeless but I do not have time to feed my soul with negativity. I brush aside these negativities for my children and move on.

What do you wish for the future?

I wish for a more equitable world and hope that one day, men will learn to honour women and become responsible human beings, and women will learn to be strong and courageous in the face of adversity. I wish I can amplify people's stories, voices and give them hope that life goes on. Finally, our policymakers should recognise violence against women as a public health problem and a violation of human rights on a global scale.

Article by: Arfa Sarfaraz

If this article has raised issues for you or you are concerned about someone you know, call Lifeline on 13 11 14.

If you, a child, or another person is in immediate danger, call 000. For sexual assault, domestic and family violence counselling service call 1800 RESPECT 1800 737 732 for 24/7 phone and online services.